Life In Boxes
by Xennie.B
Summary: Ianto stared at the boxes in front of him as he waited for Jack to come and tell him his fate.


Ianto stared at the boxes in front of him they were separated into three piles. One pile of Lisa's belongings, boxes that had never actually been unpacked from when he moved from London, they d been neatly stacked in the spare room waiting for Lisa to get better. One pile had Torchwood equipment and documents in that he needed to hand over, stuff he'd brought with him from London in case it might be useful, and documents he'd brought home to finish off but hadn't quite got around to them yet. And the final pile of boxes were full of his personal belongings, things that might trigger any memories from the last few years including all his trinkets of his time with Lisa.

Taking a seat on the couch he looked around the room seeing all the space where his things had been. Staring blankly into space he waited for Jack to arrive with the retcon.

It was procedure, either retcon or execution as a traitor for an operative who overstepped the boundaries like he had. That was one thing he hated about Torchwood, their archaic manner of dealer with 'traitors' and the like, being above the law meant it took very little effort to make it look like and accident or random murder and wash their hands of it. At London his punishment would have been instant but since Jack hadn t killed him at the hub where it would have been much easier and convenient, not to mention when he had been mad enough, he assumed retcon was to be his punishment.

He briefly wondered how the Captain would explain the few years of missing memories. Would he wake from a coma? Be a victim of a car accident with head trauma? What? He was the 'retcon man' so he only had a little idea of what Jack s style was for these things and he d never seen Jack handle such a large dose in his time with Torchwood three. They were his job because they took so much time and work, Jack would give out smaller doses but the large one he instructed Ianto to take care of.

Ianto looked down at the picture in his hands, the final piece he needed to pack into his boxes. A photo of him and Lisa; the one which had sat on his bedside table since their six-month anniversary. Hearing a key in the lock Ianto listened as Jack let himself in and took off his boots, it didn t surprise him that his boss had a key to his apartment though the thought to take off his boots before entering puzzled Ianto, especially considering what he was here to do.

Jack walked into the room and stopped in the doorway, "Ianto, what?"

Not looking up he continued to stare at the picture in his hands.

"I thought I'd make it easier for you sir. The Boxes to the left are the possessions of Lisa Hallet. The middle boxes contain property of Torchwood, though if I can I d like to request you file everything as I ve labeled it rather than just dumping the boxes in the archive. It took me forever to get that place in line and I imagine your new archivist when you find one will appreciate the effort. These here..." Ianto said standing and carefully slipped the photo he was holding inside the top box, "are personal belongings of mine that may trigger the retcon." Ianto explained. He finally looked up to see the Captain giving him a carefully guarded look.

Ianto sighed he'd gotten good at reading the other man but right now he was too tired both physically and emotionally to work out what the look meant. Jack didn't say anything so Ianto continued.

"I've seen what the team considers to be cleaning up and though I ll never see any of it again I'd still prefer my things were left undamaged so I took the initiative to pack up what was needed myself, save you all the trouble of cleaning up after me any more than you've already had to today," The last words coming out in a strangled note and Ianto quickly turned his face away from Jack. The last thing he needed was for Jack to see him like this, he didn't need to other mans sympathy nor did he deserve it.

God he wished how thing could have been different. If they'd met under different circumstances well he'd never know now, would he? He'd always been attracted to the older man and he was pretty sure it was returned most of the time, there were so many different contradictions when it came to the captain and while he'd learnt to translate and work around most of them there was still a few he was unsure of, though he'd hoped to have the opportunity to find out.

Guilt surged through him making him tremble slightly, he loved Lisa, he did, but he'd been holding onto a ghost, he loved her but he wasn't in love with her, not anymore. He'd learnt that just after he'd come to Torchwood Cardiff, she hadn't been his Lisa anymore and his feelings had changed but he wasn't ready to give up on her just yet and he was too cowardly to do what needed to be done. Hell he was even too much of a coward to tell Jack, the man he had steadily been falling for ever since they captured Myfanwy. He'd tried to stop it at first, then he realized he couldn't, so he let it grow hoping one day Lisa would be well enough not to need him anymore and Jack might just decide he felt the same way.

He heard Jack sigh before moving up behind him, Jack's strong hand resting on his shoulder as the other hand moved around in front of him holding a white pill.

"It's not what you think," Jack whispered the hand on his shoulder rubbing reassuringly.

"Of course not sir," Ianto replied blankly taking the pill from Jack's hand and swallowing it dry. Jack, the only person in that hub who paid him any attention, even when he was trying to be invisible, Jack still noticed him.

Ianto turned to face the older man, "For what it's worth I'm sorry," Ianto said softly though what he was apologizing for even he wasn't sure; it could have been something specific or it could have been about many things. Jack held Ianto gaze and nodded slightly.

Jack might not have shown anything in front of the team but late at night or early in the morning when it was just the two of them The comments he d thrown out in anger hours ago had been about the team more than Jack but as his heart had broken he d thrown them at the easiest target. It was suitably cruel that it had to be Jack to hand out his punishment.

"Now if you'll excuse me sir, I'm going to make myself comfortable in my room as I don't particularly want to wake up with a bad back. Or had you planned on taking me to a hospital or something?"

"Your bed is fine Ianto," Jack replied turning the younger man in the direction of the hallway.

Seizing what was probably his last chance Ianto leant forward and pressed a kiss to Jack's lips, the older man too shocked to respond so he just stood there until Ianto pulled away.

"Goodnight Sir," Ianto said not looking up as he made his way down the hall and towards him room. Ianto stopped at the door looking back he could see the older man standing there staring down at the boxes around him, a sad, confused expression on his face that Ianto hadn't expected to see.

"Goodbye Jack." Ianto whispered so the older man couldn't hear him before stepping into his room.

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As Ianto headed off to his room Jack stared at the boxes at his feet, lips still tingling from Ianto's kiss. The man thought he was about to be executed or retconed, though the fact that he'd only packed up some things and not all meant he was expecting the later. Even in the face of punishment he was still looking out for all of them, even after they he they had killed his girlfriend.

Jack moved quietly down the hall to the bedroom and stepped inside. The light from the hallway was enough to light the room so as his eyes adjusted he could easily make out the figure lying in the bed already asleep. Jack perched on the side of the bed knowing the movement wouldn't be enough to wake him he gently brushed a small bit of hair from the Welshman's face. He looked so young asleep and it was a startling reminder to Jack how much pain and death Ianto had seen in his years, too much for someone so young.

"What am I going to do with you," Jack whispered to the sleeping man trailing his hand gently down his cheek, "I know what I'm meant to do, what I should do but I can't," Jack whispered. Pressing a kiss to Ianto's forehead he headed back out to the boxes.

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Ianto woke up the next day a glance at his clock telling him it was 5.00pm the following day; he'd slept for 15 hours. Groaning slightly he pulled himself out of bed and headed for the kitchen and towards the smell of coffee brewing. As he entered the lounge he noted the boxes had gone and bit back a sigh before his brain managed to catch up with the rest of the world.

He shouldn't even remember that there were boxes there to begin with. Scanning the room he saw a pile of flattened boxes by the door. Most of his things had been returned to their previous position or close to. There was a pile of paperwork on his coffee table next to his work laptop, the paperwork he d been meaning to finish, and coffee; he could smell coffee. Making his way to the kitchen Ianto froze in the doorway. Jack stood with his back to the door staring out the window, coffee in hand wearing only his pants and t-shirt, braces hanging down around his hips.

"Jack... Sir... What?" Ianto stumbled over the words as Jack turned and gave him a small smile.

"It's about time you woke up. The sedative was only meant to last eight or nine hours. Just shows how much you needed the rest," Jack said.

"But Sir, I thought the retcon you gave me last night hasn't stuck, why?" Ianto asked confused.

"It wasn't retcon Ianto, only a sedative; you needed to rest and I knew that brain of yours wouldn't let you sleep without some help," Jack shrugged.

"Protocol states retcon or execution,"

"I know but I... you're too integral to loose Jones, the team would fall apart," Jack tossed out turning back to the coffee machine to make another cup. Ianto stared at Jack's back understanding the double meaning though not really believing it,

"But..."

Jack sighed, resting his hands on the bench he continued to look out the window as he spoke.

"Ianto I don t agree with how you did it, but I agree with what you did. You should have told me and I might have been able to help, or at least found a more peaceful way to put Lisa to sleep but I understand doing things for those you love. I even understand feeling the need to help those that Torchwood or the rift has hurt. I just wish you d told me."

Jack turned to look at Ianto before turning back to making the coffee he'd started.

"You're on suspension for two weeks. I want you to talk to a psychiatrist called Mitchy; she's from UNIT so there's nothing to worry about in regards to what you say. It's to help you deal with your grief and the PTSD that I should have treated you for when you first got here from London. When you come back I'm going to take you out to Flat Holm, I know you've helped me with the reports but it might help you to understand if you see the place and it's residents. And it might convince you that I do understand why you did what you did. I do what ever I can to help those the rift spits out; not because I know them but because I'm obligated to help them after I couldn't protect them, like I should have."

"Jack you..." Ianto began to argue but stopped as Jack held up one hand and passed him a coffee with the other, Ianto took a sip and tried not to wince at the taste, it wasn t too bad just a bit strong for his tastes and really hot.

"I've taken Lisa's things to put into storage and the Tech is in the archives waiting for you when you get back. I left the reports on the table as I imagine you'll want something to do when you get bored. I've unpacked your things, I think I got it mostly back in the right places judging by what I'd seen last time I was here but my memory's not quite as photographic as yours."

"Thank you," Ianto smiled slightly looking around spotting a couple of things out of place in the kitchen but he chose not to mention them to Jack. Jack stepped forward and for a moment Ianto wondered what the older man was going to do, after all he had kissed his boss last night thinking it was the only chance he'd have. Jack reached a hand up and cupped Ianto's cheek before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his forehead, "I'm not ready to let you go just yet Ianto Jones."

Jack stepped past him and out of the kitchen leaving Ianto to gather his muddled thoughts and emotions as he could hear Jack gathering his things in the other room. When Ianto stepped back into the main area of the house Jack was already in the hallway putting on his boots.

"Jack I... will you be stopping by while I m suspended?" he asked, "To check I'm doing what I'm supposed to," Ianto added lamely on the end knowing Jack could see right through him.

"I'll come by every day or so, Rift permitting. To check up on you of course." Jack said a small smile tugging at his mouth.

"Of course Sir," Ianto nodded covering his smile and relief behind his butler persona.

Jack raised an amused eyebrow before turning towards the door

"Look after yourself Ianto," Jack said opening the door and preparing to step through.

"I will... And Jack" Ianto said pausing to take a breath as Jack turned to look at him.

"I am sorry," Ianto said meeting the other man's eyes and relaying so many unspoken messages between the two of them with just that look.

"I know Yan, I know."

The End


End file.
